I’ve had it hit before. Usually it goes away. Maybe take a week or two off to reset. Sometimes I just pushed through. Do quick hits. Kind of easy. Just get a rhythm and routine going and eventually all is well. Not this time. This time it has been miserable. The words in my head, but can’t get them out on to the keyboard.
Yeah, there’s been the increased workload in the offline world. There’s been other stuff. But the truth is, when you want to write you find the time. You make the space in the day or the evening. Instead it has been blankly staring at the computer. It’s been making excuses for not getting to it. It’s been ignoring people and things related to the site, because of a sense of shame at not being able to write anything.
I let Reed carry the load with not a word. Nothing. I owe Reed the biggest apology, and maybe a bottle of something. I’m sorry Reed. I didn’t do right.
This should be a great time to be writing Pitt-related content. Pitt football has most of us filled with optimism and hope. We have a tremendous story in James Conner that fills most of us with pride that he is a representative of our school. Pitt basketball may be in flux, but it is definitely in a new place.
The stories are there. It isn’t doom and gloom. I don’t feel like I have nothing more to write. What the hell is wrong?
I should know better than to think it is any single thing. That identifying that one thing will remove the block and all will be as it was. Things never work that simply in your own head. Yet, I kept trying to figure it out in that way. That worked… poorly.
The block has brought out one of my worst bits of behavior. One I thought I had conquered. Or at least controlled. The withdrawal from everyone related to my own problem.
I was upset and frustrated with being unable to write. People reached out to me — readers, Justin, Reed. And I didn’t respond. I knew they meant well and just wanted to check on me. It wasn’t judgment. It was concern and curiosity.
Rather than treat it as such, though, I internalized it that I didn’t have an answer. Worried what people would think of any answer I could give. That led me to ignoring them. Pretending that there was no reason to respond. Rationalized away, even as I knew it was all bullshit.
I suppose it could be likened to depression of some sort, but I kind of feel that trivializes a serious condition others really have to face. Or worse a crappy excuse on my part for my behavior. This was very narrow and isolated. Family life was fine. Work life was the same. I wasn’t drinking heavily or using anything else. As long as I was away from the computer I use for Blather, I was fine.
I just couldn’t put a damn thing on the computer and I had withdrawn from that part of me.
The last three weeks have been getting better, but almost more frustrating as I still couldn’t get a post written. Slowly I’ve been trying to get myself back to some semblance of where I should be.
If anyone is still out there, bear with me as I reset.
Seriously Chas, welcome back and no need to apologize. The truth ius we were worried about you personally.
I figured you had it after all those years and I have to say I have a better understanding of blog ownership and what you dealt with over the last so many years.
The Pitt POV got off to a great start though and I hoped we’d hear from you as a commenter on there… so please join us.
So here’s the deal – you stick with BB and I’ll do FB…:)
I’m always impressed how long you’ve stuck with it. A few years of waking up at 5:00 to get something out before work was more than enough for me to find a new hobby.
Anyone who thinks Rosie Nix will be the savior at center (and I doubt there are many who so) .. don’t count on it. Stallings made mention how Young will usually be the tallest person on the floor, and not a shot blocker, so he said that the D will have to take charges and double-down in the post on defense.
As thought, we will likely see a fast-paced offense, and made mention of Cam being the best pure shooter on the team.
Not sure how good BB will be, but it may be interesting
You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like you.
@wbb It’s been a long time since we entered a Pitt basketball season with so many unknowns. The players we know, but how the team is going to look and play we have no idea.
I’ve missed the rationality of your posts but I’m a Pitt fan, so I’ve become accustomed to patience. As the good Dr. Tom can attest, patience is a virtue. We’ll be waiting.
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit!
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint on the clouds of doubt,
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar.
So, stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
It’s when things go wrong that you mustn’t quit.
Unknown
I believe most of us, or speaking directly for me, a lot of us were worried about you physically or familially, or something like that.
Think I Tweeted you once. Wasn’t worried about the Blather articles, just wanted to make sure you were okay.
Never have met you, but talking on here, with you and many other posters for I believe for me, going on 8 or 9 years, I don’t think I’m alone in saying, I cared more about your well-being than many people I work with or know only as acquaintances.
So, best of luck to you, hope you are well and take your time and ease back in, and take some pressure off, knowing that if you need to take a break again in the future, no sweat from us.
My point was, a lot of people at work, I don’t know at all, maybe barely. Good morning in the morning and goodnight at night. Lot of employees here, and that I know absolutely nothing about.
Thank you.
Spit them out for the football season and then get it rolling for hoops when you are feelin’ it.
And Reed, for a guy that just thinks football is his thing, you were great throughout.
Hadn’t been checking much here lately, but struck Panther gold looking today!!!
Good to see you back in the saddle. Now we have another chance to get something right! Glad you are well.
So good to see your posts!
Hail to Pitt!
Very happy the Blather is active again ….one of my favorite places to come.
HTP!
